Are These Thieving Robbers Daddy?

When my wife announces she has had a great idea I always worry that somehow it’s going to be a long day, but today she really was on form. My wife found a really great deal on tickets, which sounded too good to be true for a famous children’s television star at our local theatre, where they were doing a live show. Now I know why the tickets were so cheap but more on that later. When we told our kids we had to peel them off of the ceiling, and my son proceeded to kiss the computer when we announced we had booked the tickets. I am not sure where his lips had last been so I will be disinfecting the computer later.

My kids were so enthusiastic that I told them we had to ‘wolf’ down lunch and go, emphasis on the ‘wolf’ down part. My word, my kids were on a go slow. I explained that we may miss the show, which raised an eyebrow, but not a fork or knife! I did ram the point home by holding my keys with my coat and hat on whilst my blood pressure went through the roof when they asked for dessert. I started babbling incoherent words with “Get in the car” at various stages. As we shoe horned them into the car they started messing with my mind, and acting like they had been kidnapped by asking “Where are we going Daddy?” “Sorry son, are you just messing with my mind or rattling through the questions you have to get out per day. The theatre son, the theatre!” “What’s the theatre Daddy?” Ok music CD on please, before Daddy starts rocking in the chair.

As we arrived the kids were out of the car like it was on fire, and as we entered through the entrance doors I now realised why the tickets were so cheap. Yes people, the entrance hall was filled with professional thieving robbers with tags around their necks to show the parents where next months wages were going. Here was a swathe of people selling merchandise and, to ensure the parents did not escape, they had flashing lights. All of the kids were having melt downs like mine and parents were dragging their kids up the stairs crying. I did try to explain that either Daddy has to stand outside the local supermarkets at night with a dog on a rope, or we could give up eating, but that was the only way we were going home with all the merchandise.

I guess the ‘give up eating’ must have done the trick, as they went up the stairs voluntarily, OK they had sad faces and Daddy was a big bad meanie, but we made it in time. The show started, and the presenter was smiling, but then so would I have been having a team of professional thieves robbing the mums and dads of next month’s wages for toys that almost certainly would not see out the day before breaking. No sooner had we got going than an interval was announced and everyone was going to the loo. Next to the loo’s, surprise surprise, were the thieving robbers again. Me and my wife wanted to give our kids a great day, so we both emptied our pockets and counted our change like scrooges. I am sure my wallet felt very thin and was now weeping in pain. As the kids came back from the souvenir robbing thieves I held out my hand for change until my son smiled whilst holding a ‘spinney thing’ with lights, as well as a couple of badges to show Mummy and Daddy had been shafted, and I realised that change wasn’t going to be forthcoming!!

Our kids went up the stairs with no tears, (those were reserved for Mummy and Daddy,) and I was preparing the rope for our new dog. If anyone needs me tonight I am the one begging outside the local supermarket whilst my kids turn on their ‘spinney thing’ at night. Hope the batteries last otherwise I may have to give up eating! Never was that keen on eating anyway, totally overrated!