I’m not sure how it happened but I have discovered a worrying trend that seems to have come from no where. My entire family all arrived for a calm day out, not sure why they thought it would be calm as everyday is absolute chaos, with disasters every fifteen minutes and wet wipes and poo every thirty. We started out heading for coffee. I know a great coffee shop that does fresh filter coffee to take away for 99p, where the beans are ground fresh with a smell to die for. After I ordered enough coffee to start a biblical flood, my wife asked if they do juice for kids. They did , so she asked for two juices and left the store. That was when they asked for a second mortgage! Whoa there tiger, is this another case where it’s ok to fleece motorists or parents? They had literally poured the juice into coffee cups, plonked a 1p straw into the cup and asked for £6 for the kids apple juice, and 99p for coffee where they crushed the beans, poured it into a cup thing and placed them into a posh espresso machine. Fresh water was poured in and brewed to perfection, followed by fresh milk placed into cups. Even sugar was an option and for all this work 99p, yet declare you are a parent and ask for apple juice with no brain power required and you need three hard earned pounds! It seems to me it’s cheaper to start your kids drinking coffee from three years old, or ask for tap water and get cheapskate looks from the locals who think you are so tightfisted your bottom squeaks when you walk.
As I left the coffee shop with a lighter wallet, I encouraged the kids to drink their drinks carefully as any spillages would require them to lick it off the ground carefully, as Daddy was just robbed by a mean old man who thinks money grows on trees! One sip later both my kids handed back their drinks and declared I could carry them. Is it not bad enough that Daddy was just robbed and yet one sip later you’ve finished?! For the rest of the day I acted as personal butler as usual. I carried the drinks, which they didn’t drink in the end so I then poured £5.99 down the sink. It would have been pouring £6 down the sink, but they both took a sip, so only £5.99 went down the sink, (and there was me worrying!)
We all decided to visit an ancient abbey which now is mostly rubble but it did have beautiful gardens and a museum with great information. My kids shot past the museum and headed straight for the gardens. The entrance door shot open so fast it was like a cowboy entering a saloon bar being chasing the bad guy. My son then used the ancient chimney which was in a delicate state as a chair and sat in it. Before thousands of years of history was destroyed by my son’s backside we pulled him out and walked him round very carefully. Now my next piece of advice is to always keep your kids in front of you, because I had not noticed that my son was now carrying part of the ancient abbey around as a souvenir and the only reason I found out was because of the huffing and puffing noises that were coming from behind me. I quickly put all the bricks back in what I thought was roughly the right order, so if you visit and the tour guide differs from the actual layout then I know nothing and it’s a total mystery! Upon leaving we decided to frisk my son who was now carrying souvenir rocks in his pockets. Seriously this abbey had been here for hundreds if not thousands of years and my son has redesigned the layout and almost brought the ancient chimney to rubble within five minutes. This goes to prove buildings may be built for years but are they tough enough for my son?
As we walked home my son decided that carrying the drinks was not enough and now asked me to carry him on my shoulders. I use to be over six foot but walked through my front door around five foot two and hunched over like the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. My reward was to pour the drinks down the sink along with any pride I had left. Tomorrow I am putting cheap drinks in the boot in case of emergency, and a pack of straws so that I am never fleeced by the mean old man even if he does make the best coffee known to man!