Today is Fathers Day in the United Kingdom and my little girl was at a sleepover, so I only had one child. My son came into our bedroom like a caveman returning from hunting for food who came back with nothing but false hope. He almost made it half way and sat on the floor where I could not see him. Apparently my wife had given him chocolate to give to me as a gift. I think this was to punish me as our son has one flaw, a bit like Superman and kryptonite. My son’s weakness is chocolate and he had the hump as it was 8am, he was handing over chocolate, and none of it was for him. I reassured him it would be opened, so he shot round to my side of the bed. His tongue was making damp trails on my bedside cabinet like a slug at a rave. I opened the bag and his fist shot in and the bag looked like a packet of crisps where they are massive until you look in and there are just a few bits left. As I opened my arms for a Father’s Day hug he gave me the look that said “You must be joking old man!” Little did he know I had some chocolate left so he would be back
At church today they always honour the dads by giving chocolate, which I am not that keen on, but my wife ‘helps’ me. My two kids popped back like faithful hounds and my little girl announced “You have two bars Daddy, what are you going to do?” I had to fend off two kids and then watch the fake chocolate lust tears fall, whilst I accepted rubbish Dad of the Day awards from my kids who stomped off, whilst others gazed in their dad’s eyes. Yes Dorset Dad, your Father’s Day is going a storm, how do I do it?
We are round my in-laws for lunch and my kids found a games console with a magic wand. My son swung it round like a baseball bat, and if the television was a human it would be taking headache tablets like sweeties! Lunch was announced and both my kids understood that word so shot off like rats in a burning building. As it was Father’s Day I felt I should sit next to my kids and if you read my weekly blog you will understand why I don’t sit next to my kids, especially with spaghetti bolognaise. As I sat next to my son he helped himself to a dinner plate, then picked a second plate. I wasn’t sure who it was for, and we all know a wrong plate can ruin a child’s life. As I asked him to put it back he screamed with soap opera tears “Mummy!” My son come back and told me “Mummy’s sitting next to me not you.” Again the Dorset Dad’s Father’s Day is going like a charm, just one more child to upset and I have a full set. Dinner was a calm affair but upon leaving the table my family wanted to know who sat at a certain seat as there was a trail of destruction with most of the food left behind. Now I would say my little girl takes after her mother but I like breathing, I’ve got kind of use to it, so I guess I will take the blame.
After dinner we were really posh as we had after dinner chocolates. My son, aka Mister Chocolate, volunteered to open the chocolates for everyone, how kind. No ulterior motive here surely, although the chocolate were a little covered in dribble. The rest of the day was calm until bedtime when my kids who cannot remember where they left their toys thirty seconds ago, remembered my chocolates, at least I could bribe them into bed. Happy Fathers Day, Dorset Dad!