Today we were crawling along the motorway and my mouth felt like sandpaper and my bladder like a water-balloon had been blown up to its maximum. I pulled off of the motorway, with my two bundles of joy in the back already choosing the ‘cakey’ in their mind and the two largest drinks along with chocolate eggs, sweeties and treats. I knew a few of us were going to be disappointed but my bladder was saying to keep quiet and do battle later. As I opened the car door my little girl put her elbow and cardigan over her mouth and got out. I was a little concerned my oral hygiene was not as crack hot as I thought it was! A little embarrassed I asked “Is everything ok?” I was not expecting the statement “Those people are smoking!” It was at this point I developed a large coughing fit to cover over the parental embarrassment. I tried to move quickly as she was now as quiet as a world war two siren, and exclaiming “They are smoking Daddy, look!”
As I walked into the service restaurant area at top speed I was thirsty and my throat hurt from the major coughing fit to cover my embarrassment. Surely there was nothing else she could say now, was there? My wife suggested we buy children’s drinks in the indoor supermarket which were cheaper and had screw top lids. My children rarely finish the drinks so this was a good option and meant we could take them with us once the adult drinks had been consumed and we needed to get going again. We smuggled them into my favourite coffee shop and sat in a corner to be hidden from view. My initial reaction was not only do we have two people smoking a cigarette due in at any point to hunt me down and have words, but now I am going to be on CCTV with a wanted poster for smuggling in items. I did agree it was a great idea in the end after seeing the price of the children’s drinks in the cafe. I think I could hire two people to buy fruit and some buckets, and hand squash the fruit into little bottles for cheaper. Ok, I know they have to get a profit, but I was not buying shares in the company.
As we got to the tables, I was a little nervous when the drinks came out of my wife’s handbag, and as the staff were cleaning tables nearby, I just smiled. If I was appearing on a wanted poster for smuggling, I at least wanted a nice mug shot. My world completely fell apart when I saw the two smokers (who had now finished their cigarettes) sitting next to us, within arms reach. Why in all the world had they decided to sit next to us? It was at this point my little girl saw them and announced at the top of her voice “Do they not know that smoking kills you?” No coughing fit could cover this as the entire coffee shop heard this. As for me, I was already downing my coffee which was so hot I was stripping the lining of my throat and my wife was gulping her tea at an alarming rate. Both my wife and I were giving the parent smile that said “Kids hey, who would have ‘em?” Meantime the smoking couple were looking a little cranky to say the least as we got up to leave. I am firmly blaming the educational sector! Could they not teach embarrassment first, then teach them everything else? As we passed the couple I realised that smoking may kill them, but looks were going to kill Daddy first.
As we got in the car, I was already smoking the tyres like a bank job getaway car, and left as quickly as we could. As for the bladder I was happier to explode than have two smokers wait outside for me. My kids however were taking the biscuit by announcing “That was nice, are we nearly there yet?”