Dorset Dad Christmas Diary 2019 – Part Five

Thursday 27th December

Not sure why, but I woke at my usual time of 6am, which I think was my body’s way of preparing me to go back to work. I crept downstairs like a trained soldier, avoiding squeaky floor boards and enjoyed a productive hour and a half before my little girl joined me. I was excited to see my little girl. I had a laugh with her and got her a drink, whilst she got her computer tablet and started watching. I took an interest and asked her what it was about. She laughed and explained a brother had just sold his sister, to which I laughed hard. My little girl announced “My brother is my best friend, but for a thousand pounds I would sell him.” Fortunately she was laughing, but I did think this was the sign of a hard business person, and she would be going straight to the top. Top of what I don’t know, but little did Captain Chaos realise he was living on borrowed time!

It’s in the ceiling, quick poke it.

By the time Captain Chaos came downstairs, he had had a lot of time to think, maybe too much. He started with he wanted a bath, which aroused my curiosity. Normally it’s not his favourite past time, so when he announced he had a bath bomb for Christmas I was a little concerned. When I next passed the bathroom there was a bright green glow, and when I put my head round the door he looked like he was in a swamp having his feet tickled, as he had the biggest grin. I left him to it. My wife said my little girl was going next, but I did not realise she had a bath bomb too. I only found out my little girl had a bath bomb, when she had finished and I went to the toilet to see our beautiful white bath was now stained bright pink. Is it me, or is everything in my house either knackered, or twenty four hours away from being put out of its misery?

The kids were going with my wife to watch a film at the cinema, so we announced an early lunch, and while they were waiting, they brought out DIY slime. My wife said to keep it on the tray in the kitchen whilst Daddy washed up. Surely the DIY slime could not go wrong, as it was on a very deep tray, which rendered it now ‘fool proof’? I know I keep saying fool proof, but I truly believed nothing could go wrong while I washed up.

It was the little things that heralded things were going wrong. For example, I heard shouting ‘It’s in the ceiling, quick poke it.” I turned round to see bright green slime on the kitchen ceiling, and spent the next few minutes scraping it off. Apparently it was Captain Chaos who sent it up the ceiling, but he was totally clueless how it happened! Apparently one minute slime was on the table, the next ‘poof’, it jumped up on the ceiling. Apparently we have the world’s first jumping putty, who knew?

If you come for coffee at Dorset Dad’s house, we now have stains on the kitchen ceiling where the kids slop the bath water over the side and floor in the bathroom. These now join the newly designed green DIY slime stains we have on the kitchen ceiling. Seriously if we had a fire in the kitchen, we have so many stains on the ceiling and wall you would never know the fire had happened.

What about the furniture I hear you say? Again the furniture looks beaten up already, you would not notice fire damaged furniture in our house. Take for example the kitchen chairs. One has a few spindles missing. Long time viewers will remember the day Captain Chaos got his foot stuck in it. We had to saw up our beautiful pine kitchen chair up to free him. Yes people, a fire would never be found in our kitchen.

The kids apparently had a great time at the cinema, while I relaxed on the sofa at home with a good book. Yes people the Dorset Dad is very chilled and relaxed, but you know what, the house felt empty and void without the kids. Yes, they are human wrecking balls, but they also fill the house and make it come alive.

As soon as the kids came back the house came alive. The furniture was shaking, and we were yelling at them to brush their teeth before bed, but we were all happy. It’s funny some days it can seem to hard just being a parent, but occasionally you step back and realise how blessed you are.

Night, night diary, talk tomorrow.