Dorset Dad Diary – Part III

October Half Term

Wednesday 24th October

Today was unusual diary, I had to be up early and pick up my in-laws dog and bring him home, which usually takes around ten minutes. The dog in question is an English Springer Spaniel, but as we got to the top of our town, he quickly realised he was not going home, but to my house, and took off like a Greyhound at a dog track. I arrived home wheezing, doubled over, and very out of breath, whilst my wife on comedy patrol asked how it went! Oh you know my little bundle of joy, just peachy, nothing a year of rest could not cure.

No sooner had I arrived back, than my wife announced she was going out shopping for a few essentials, and would only be a few minutes. Now diary we both know what she really meant was see you in two hours, and stay alive. As the door locked on what was now a maximum security prison, the kids started beating seven bells out of each other, and interspersed with pleading for snacks. I held my ground with the snacks, and the kids took their anger out on the furniture. As the skirting boards took a pounding, I gave in and handed each child a packet of crisps, which must have set an alarm off at the supermarket. As all three of us opened the packet of crisps, my wife unlocked the door having been gone hours, and asked what we thought we were doing? Depends my precious bundle of joy on how you see it, me I was trying to stay alive and keep the furniture in a few pieces. My wife asked if we could count it as lunch, which I was fine with, but the kids gave an evil stare, and had their eye balls been laser beams, then my wife would be in heaven playing her harp.

In the afternoon we went to the local park, where I had to rescue one of our children, who shall remain nameless, as they hung from the top of the climbing frame, where you should not go, and could not get down. I was enjoying my coffee when I heard the screams of ‘I need a little help here’. I finished my coffee, just kidding diary, I rushed like a superhero ready to save the day. As soon as I got my precious adrenaline junkie down, I was told, “right slide next!”

As the evening came to a close, I cooked dinner, and my little girl offered to test it for me, and announced “it was okay.” Smashing, there was me panicking I had wasted thirty minutes of my life trying to create a meal with a reaction of pure joy! My wife was encouraging and asked what happened to the garlic bread, to which I explained that whilst fixing the dodgy plug socket, moving the tumble dryer, I had also managed to cook dinner, and apologised for the lack of garlic bread. I explained next week I would ram the broom between my bottom and sweep whilst performing these tasks as well.

I had to run out briefly and my little girl came with me, when I received a call from my wife explaining the central heating had completely packed up, and was now as dead as a door nail. As I chatted to my wife, my little girl and I were running back home, while I asked a few questions, and found the clock was out so the heating had simply not come on. My wife laughed when she realised, whilst my little girl announced could we slow down as she was now dying!

As we got back home my wife redeemed herself and announced it was ice cream night.

I have the best wife in the world diary.

Night, night diary.