Dorset Dad Diary – Part IV

October Half Term

Thursday 25th October

We’re off to see my family who live three hours away today, and I thought I was the only excited one. Clearly not though, as Captain Chaos woke up at 6am. Now this is unusual because he normally sleeps until either an earthquake causes a disturbance, or school starts. By 6.30am the entire household was awake. Now why can’t this happen on a school day? I floated downstairs in a daze and was told what everyone wanted for breakfast, so having spent half a piggin’ hour in the kitchen, Captain Chaos announced the porridge was now cold. Of course it is son, you spent around thirty minutes watching television, and during this time, your porridge has gone from near nuclear to colder than the polar ice cap. My wife offered to reheat it, but apparently the moment had passed.

My wife said the bags were ready, so I took this as pack the car, and strap the children in. Would you have guessed that too? Well apparently not, as I packed the car, strapped the children in, and started the engine for my wife to appear in the passenger side and announced the washing machine would be ten minutes. What?! Are you kidding me?! Here we are about to set off on an epic adventure and my wife was running the local laundrette. Ten long and painful minutes passed, and my wife appeared like royalty and announced we could go. Now by the time I let off the handbrake and got to first gear, all of about what one second had passed when the kids claimed a ‘worldwide famine’. The food rations were cracked open by the time we got to the bottom of our drive, and were depleted by the time we left our town, which has a population of a handful of people, so we are not talking massive.

We hit the road hard, and I drove like a bat out of hell, (just kidding, I drive like a snail,) so we floated down the road and made good time, until we got the thirty second announcement someone needed a wee. I must confess we started moving rather rapidly, but made it just in the nick of time.

Diary, the rest of the day was heavenly, and having spent a great time with the family we arrived at the hotel, where my kids started to play football in the family room. No offence Diary, but I could probably touch the walls both sides with my hands stretched out, so we put a stop to that. Instead Captain Chaos learned where the lights were and plunged us all into darkness, then flicked the lights on like a cheap nightclub whose electrics were on the blink. I have a feeling the electricians may be called when we leave the room, to fix a worn out light switch.

Night, night Diary.