We started the day with the smell of rotting rubbish rising from the duvet, and upon checking it wasn’t me I started the blame game, until we realised our son was still not very well. My son had been ill for a few days and we were hoping things had improved, but we quickly realised it was going to be an indoors day, so fake smiles and exciting games like ‘Hunt the Breakfast’ were the deal of the day.
Now remember we were locked inside four walls today so, as grown ups, I was hoping my wife and I were singing from the same song sheet, and were going for a stress free day. When two harmonicas suddenly appeared I started asking “Where did you get those from?” and “Who is punishing Daddy?” “Mummy got them for us.” Came the reply. Ok, so what did I do to deserve this punishment? Please just imagine our house with the smell of rotting rubbish stemming from my son’s nappy and two kids blowing through a harmonica with the musical ability of a dying Meerkat waiting to be put out of its misery. We had ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ accompanied by the two harmonicas, which consisted of at least 100 different notes in the introduction alone. I quickly realised unless the two harmonicas went ‘missing’ it was to be a very long day.
Now if that was not bad enough I was to blame for the next faux pas as my little girl said the day before “Daddy I am so bored I have stayed inside for days.” Well as her brother was so ill, I took her to the supermarket last night and said you can get a comic, which turned into a toy costing more than my weekly food bill. I then discovered that the thieving termites put on a label on the back stating that the batteries were not included. After buying shares in a battery company, I said it was time for bed, and I would put the batteries in, in the morning. Well after ‘Harmonica Hannah’ had finished the world’s longest ‘Twinkle Twinkle’ I was praying to meet the maker of the harmonica and personally ‘thank’ them when my little girl asked for the batteries in the toy. Well I was only too pleased to oblige as it meant the harmonica had a moment’s silence, while her brother was readying to take over the local busking rights. As I inserted the batteries the full horror of what I had bought was slowly dawning. A small parrot that tweets when not used, and you can also use it to record your voice and it will play it back. Spiffing, absolutely spiffing!! Now I had a parrot singing along with the new town busker and his protégé ‘Harmonica Hannah’! Could life get any better?
Well as it turns out the parrot went missing, and the harmonicas have now lost their sparkle after a few hours, so after removing my fingernails from the coffee table peace reigned, and it was suggested I take my little girl out for cake. Well my car engine was revving and the tyres were smoking before the sentence had finished. I shot out of the local busking convention at record speed. So later today if anyone needs me, you will find the Dorset Dad singing the blues!