Holiday Mark V – I’m Just Grumpy

Okay, for those who guessed that we would be woken up before 7am? You won! We were awoken to a herd of elephants marching outside our room at around 6.30am, and the kids were dressed ready for the swimming pool just before 7am. We did point out that it was not open yet and, ashamedly, I openly encouraged the tablets to try and pass time. This worked for my little girl, but Captain Chaos was enjoying terrorising the furniture and finding out how the cupboard light worked.

Having given up on a relaxing morning we headed to the swimming pool for a morning session of suffering until my skin wrinkled up, then we showered and headed for lunch at a nearby pub. Now this pub came with rave reviews, so good things were expected. As we were shown to our seats, we were immediately asked for drinks. I am sorry Sunbeam, would it be okay if I showed the seat my backside and maybe, just maybe take off my coat, or are you in a rush? Drinks ordered, we took off our coats and placed our napkins in our lap. Drinks arrived and we were asked pork or beef roast. Whoah there my Olympic keen bean, do you have such a high tech thing as a paper food menu, or is that too much? Clearly it was, so off our extremely excited waiter shot to arrive back near immediately with cauliflower cheese with steam rising faster than my blood pressure. The meat arrived with a bit of moisture which apparently was the gravy, and off he went to arrive back with the vegetables. Our kids pushed the food round the plate, ground it into their clothes and announced they were ready for dessert.

No sooner had the cutlery hit the plate, than Fast Freddie was back and we were shown a chalk board, to which I was ready to give a round of applause as it was the first menu we had seen since our arrival. Fast Freddie was back and served dessert, but that was the last we would see of Fast Freddie. I was worried he had died in the kitchen, as we waited a few days for the option to pay but even my kids had given up and were running around. My wife announced she would use the toilet, and I saw a glimpse of Fast Freddie, which in one way I was pleased as it meant he was still alive, but I was not quick enough and he disappeared in his cave again. We stood in the reception whilst Captain Chaos checked which furniture was bolted down. After standing in reception like lemons, my wife announced she did not care, and was going in the kitchen marked private. My wife went in and came out saying that she had sighted Fast Freddie and he had promised to come back. After paying we left and as the kids were now bored and grumpy including the parents, we decided against the cinema and bought a dvd, popcorn and snacks and headed back to the cottage.

The dvd was short lived, so we headed to the children’s play area where a disagreement on whose turn it was on the trampoline sent Captain Chaos on a mission to show his sister his displeasure. He held his sister’s shoes and threw them into another postcode, but soon calmed and fetched them back again. We realised a brief Sunday tea and bed was in order, and the kids asked to get a good book from the on-site library. My little girl came back with a light read, whereas Captain Chaos had decided that a book could not be good unless it was at least two inches thick. As Captain Chaos scraped the book across the threshold, he proudly went upstairs and hopped into bed.

As we turned the light down low, yawns were heard all around, including the parents so it can’t have been that bad a day. I’m sure even Fast Freddie was hibernating in his kitchen, like he does when you want to pay for a meal.

Night, night everyone, see you next week for day three of the holiday.