Today was a big day for me, so when I woke up a few minutes later than normal I was on a mission to get back on track. I washed, found some clothes in record time and dressed. I went down the stairs, and tackled lunch-boxes, which were made observing the strict rules! Strict rules I hear you say? Do you mean school healthy eating rules? Nope, my kids rules which are a minefield, with silly things like Daddy why did you put a pink ice pack in my boy lunch box? Sorry son, did the lunch go off or taste different today then? So now I get the correct ice pack colours and never make that rookie mistake. I also must put yoghurt in one lunch-box, but not the other and as I am so nervous I get a second inspection from my wife, just to make sure I have not upset anyone before 7am.
With all this excitement I sat down and was lost in a happy place sat in the kitchen until my wife came down and I realised I had no kids at the breakfast table! As I raced to the stairs to read the riot act my little girl appeared wearing roller skates for breakfast! I was so late I did not have time to investigate why roller skates were needed for breakfast, and sat her down with a drink and breakfast. My wife then went to leave the kitchen so I announced “Whoa tiger, where you going?” My wife pointed at her eyes and announced “See?” Trouble was I did not ‘see’, and just listened as many brain cells exploded in my head. Time stopped still until my wife announced her make-up was not ready! Oh ok my little Picasso, however in reality I had no idea as to me, being a boy, make-up is just paint by numbers.
I had lost my wife but I had gained one child eating breakfast (cue little victory dance in my head!) or at least I thought I had gained a child eating breakfast until I heard a portable keyboard at the breakfast table playing Three Blind Mice very slowly and painfully. I had to comment at the end of the grand performance, trouble was I must have overdone it, as she insisted on playing an encore. I did ask could the roller skating breakfast pianist pack it in, as surely all Three Blind Mice had finished their swan song and I raced upstairs to gain a second child. I woke Captain Chaos from his cave as I now had less than five minutes before I had to leave for work. When I got downstairs with child number two, who knew it? Three Blind Mice was still going strong after five frantic ‘wake up please son I am desperate’ minutes.
I put a drink in front of my son, selected his favourite breakfast cereal and placed it on the table, just as he announced that whilst he was doing his ‘wakey, wakey wee’ could I put something in front of his breakfast table to watch! At this point Three Blind Mice had cleared off, and suddenly my little girl was bolt upright like a Meerkat and announced she would watch too! I was so late, I did not have time to argue and sprinted back upstairs to find a tablet for the kids to watch.
As I came downstairs, the Three ‘Piggin’ wish they would clear off and do us all a favour’ mice had returned, and I was a little cranky and asked her to pack in the racket. I am sorry, but I am sure even the musical world would understand. My son returned and victory was mine, I was back on track and out of the door. When I get to work the first thing I am doing is putting an advert on the staff notice board stating “One iffy keyboard for sale, keeps playing Three Blind and strangled Mice, over and over again, free to any home, does not have to be good!”