Today We’re Going French

Today started with a very French theme, but I was to find that out a little later. I started by showering and changing ready for the day, and when I got downstairs Captain Chaos, who had been given a toy ‘nerf gun’, had shot polystyrene cartridges at any furniture that did not offer resistance. My little girl was glued to the television, so I announced my arrival, which was dealt with by two teenager style grunts. I made my wife a tea, and myself a fresh cup of coffee. I was ready to enjoy my liquid sunshine, when I noticed the milk was a little weird and had separated. Never mind, I was so relaxed I poured it down the sink and tried again, with ‘Operation Success’ a go. I made the kids drinks and had put them by their hands in the front room when my wife announced her imminent arrive downstairs for breakfast.

The evil ruler takes his instructions directly from me!

I announced breakfast to the kids. It was like a charge of stampeding animals who arrived at my feet asking for birthday cake for breakfast. No sorry my sugar twins, no cake for breakfast, to which my little girl asked for the French stick loaf bread left over from yesterday. Now this bread was so hard, when I took it out of the packet it was asking for a fight. I explained it was rock hard, but the cry “I really want it!” carried on, so I gave in but said we were eating at the breakfast table.

Oh boy, did I start a riot in my kitchen, with cries of “What will we do with no television?” Sorry people, but my decision is final, breakfast at the table. Now I made the mistake of not watching my little girl and concentrating on Captain Chaos, so I did not know what was going on behind me, in my newly formed French kitchen. Captain Chaos laid out a list of demands, and again ranted and raved about no television. He then turned into ‘Happy as Larry’. As I turned there was my little girl with her computer tablet at the breakfast table! Captain Chaos came back with his duvet, pillow and was watching his tablet with French themed music played on an accordion.

My wife came downstairs and asked what all the commotion was all about. She laughed when I said all I wanted was an old fashioned family breakfast with talking. Now here I was in some French themed cafe, with two kids ignoring me, one eating bread so hard you could use it as foundation to build a house, and another so revolting I dare not mention what Captain Chaos had. My wife chuckled and asked if I wanted toast. As it was Sunday I said why not. Mine arrived looking normal whilst my wife’s toast was coated in chocolate spread. I think I have said before I don’t like chocolate, so looking at the toast coated in brown gloop, I realised where Captain Chaos was getting his strange breakfast combinations from!

My wife left for church as she was taking part and I was left to get the kids dressed, which is no easy task! Much stress later I came downstairs to find toys lined up in the front room and my little girl pointing at Captain Chaos. He had a toy nerf gun and was shouting “You better say your prayers” before opening fire. Just where did that come from?! I can only presume whilst we are out, every toy will hide for fear of being shot at!

As time went on I frog marched everyone into the bathroom to brush their teeth, despite strong resistance. Within a few seconds the bathroom looked like it was ready for demolition. I headed towards coats and the front door to be told they needed more time as they were defeating the evil ruler in our front room. I explained the evil ruler takes his instructions directly from me, now get into the car. Finally two kids were in the car and I headed to church to meet my wife. I thought the church service was going well until Captain Chaos found metal stands and started putting flags like lifeguards at a beach in them at the front of the church. At one point I think the flags were indicating no swimming at the front of the church!

The afternoon was spent with tantrums and one sided arguments. Apparently Daddy is super old and does not understand. If anyone needs me I am at the bottom of the garden in the ‘Billy No Mates’ section.

Night night everyone, see you all next week bright and breezy.