‘Twas the Night Before Bathtime!

Today we are taking Captain Chaos to his swimming classes. This made me chuckle as the only person unwilling to get dressed today is Captain Chaos, who decided he wanted to stay at home rather than learn a life skill. Apparently watching some squashed plasticine blob pretend to be a superhero is more important than saving a life at three.

As we got to swimming classes my wife was busy panicking that we forgot to brush his teeth. It’s ok, my little tooth fairy, I am fairly sure it will be fine as he will not require dentures by the end of swimming! As I watched my son I lost him for a moment amongst all the people until I saw a Lone Ranger swimming on his own on his back squirting water out of his mouth into the sky with instructors looking on as if watching a wildlife programme.

During Captain Chaos swimming classes my wife dropped some shocking news, and no it’s not baby number three, but a few days before Christmas with temperatures outside cold enough to freeze my bits, for Captain Chaos’ birthday he wants to go swimming. Whoa there tiger, I have done my bit for lifesaving, and funnily enough in December swimming is not on my bucket list. I don’t think we need to book in advance as the only people swimming around Christmas time are keen beans or forced! Consider me forced under freezing cold circumstances, my lips will go numb protest!

Following lunch, my precious diary, I collected two dogs which we were looking after and walked them back to my house which is around twenty minutes, but with the first dog running like a greyhound at a dog track it was more like two! You would have thought as I entered the door I had discovered Father Christmas hadn’t made it back to the North Pole and I had brought him home to dish out a second round of presents, as the kids were super excited and pumped to see the dogs. I should have borrowed the dogs much earlier as the dogs kept the kids entertained for ages.

Dinner time was more like the old 80’s game Hungry Hippos as any crumb that fell to the floor was hoovered up by two large mouths, and for once it was not my kids. Eventually the end of dinner arrived after much irrelevant questioning from Captain Chaos. I did have to ask myself if I need the well known electronic speaker gadget from a famous company that can just answer questions. If you’re from that famous company feel free to lend us one and our kids will exhaust it’s knowledge within minutes. I wished I had paid more attention at school as I regularly find myself jumping from one conversation about food, to where are the stars and moon during the day. It is at that point I stretch my knowledge and explain as best as I can with toy balls how the planets work. I usually take all questions about subjects other than where do babies come from, and we then move onto Mummy as she is better at sorting that topic out, and yes I am a mouse!

My wife then announced bath-time, and I wasn’t sure how much water the bathroom floor could take. We always read the riot act about keeping the bath water in the bath, but a magic wave machine always seems to start with Captain Chaos. Whoa, whoa, whoa before you start having a pop at him, it’s not his fault! We all know the wave machine started on its own and he had nothing to do with it! If you look at our bathroom floor the wooden floor boards are all curling like two week old sandwiches, and the bath looks a rugby team just used our house, but remember it’s not his fault, he has no knowledge what so ever on how it happened!

Night, night diary, don’t worry tomorrow will be a better day!