Where Did That Come From?

Both of my kids seem to attract dirt and I can usually tell if my kids have had a good day as when I get home, they are usually eating whilst wearing dirt. This morning my wife announced it was ‘sheep dipping day’ where my kids go in the bath. Normally this means they get in and the water gets out and today it was no different. I, as usual, had lost track of time, after all it was Sunday, and my wife asked if I could I retrieve Captain Chaos from the bath. I stepped in and skated to the bath as there was so much water on the floor we could have been accused of housing an aquarium on the bathroom floor! I asked my son what had he been doing and he just gave me that knowing look as if to say “I thought you were meant to be the intelligent one!” I grabbed a towel and helped him out of the bath, whilst I mopped up a biblical flood from the bathroom floor.

My wife did ask if was I ok. I gave the usual answer “Oh yes my little ray of sunshine, just peachy!” After all we only have floorboards curling upwards with the flooding of the bathroom floor. In fact I am thinks of getting a hose, just pouring the water on the bathroom floor and putting the kids in a bone dry bath!

My son came downstairs and asked for paper, to which I wrongly assumed was for colouring. He then announced “’Oh no Daddy, I hit my sister so this is a sorry card.” The way he said it was so matter of fact but you could tell he was sincere. By the time he had finished making a card it was virtually laminated with sellotape! This got me to thinking how did we survive before sellotape? I may as well start paying my wages into shares in sellotape, as we use so much. It’s also worrying that my kids believe sellotape can fix anything broken. If something falls off of the car, here you go Dad, lash it up with this. Thanks kids but I knew you will not believe this but sellotape cannot fix everything.

We told the kids that we were heading off to church. I must have closed my eyes and fallen asleep because I did not see my son pack his rucksack or put it into the car. The first I knew he had brought it was when I spotted my son setting himself up with his pretend computer that’s makes noises like it has anger management issues. We managed to retrieve it just in the nick of time, before my son refilled with biscuits! Now do you remember the cartoons where one swig of rocket fuel and the cartoon character took off like a rocket? Well my wife, yes I am naming and shaming, I repeat my wife gave the kids ‘healthy’ sugary biscuits and my kids shot off like a rabbit at a dog track. The people in the church all turned and looked at us as if to say was that speeding bullet? We both just did the shrug of the shoulders. I just repeated sorry to everyone especially when an adult got trapped and had to plead with my little girl to escape.

After church we arrived at my mother-in-law’s who, I am so sorry tv chefs, would run rings around you! She served the most amazing lunch. My little girl picked up the salt and pepper beside me. Once I had realised what she had grabbed I pleaded with her not to put too much pepper on her dinner. She just gave me the look that said “You were the one asking what my brother was doing in bath, so I know better.” She poured so much pepper on her cauliflower it went from white to diseased in a few seconds. I pleaded again with her that she had put too much on, but again I was given the knowing seven year old look. One bite and she nearly projected the food onto the walls and said she was not eating it. Hmmm, is it ok for me to leap off my chair and yell “I told you so!” whilst punching the air?