You Don’t Look Good

Today I was feeling really rough, with many symptoms that meant I was sitting on the sofa doing my dying swan routine. The moment the kids found out I was ill they rallied round and filled the sofa with more toys that I had headache tablets. I had not realised all the kids toys were feeling ill too, and my small two seater settee I was lying on was rapidly becoming a hospital.

I felt a little better by early afternoon whilst my wife declared she too was now ill, and she lay on the other sofa, whilst I took over with the kids. I turned round to find Captain Chaos now in my comfy sofa with the spare duvet, so I guess the ten second rule was enforced and I was kicked out. I said to my son I was going upstairs to my bedroom and if he needed anything to just call me, not Mummy. I trotted up the stairs ready to collapse in my bed to find my little girl on our bed watching television. That’s charming family, I’m still feeling peaky, Goldilocks is in my bedroom, Fast Freddie is in my makeshift bed and my wife is on the other sofa. I decided to sit on the very end of the sofa my son was taking up residence on, and moved up and down with my son shaking the sofa like a classic car backfiring. I did ask my son if the sofa could stop shaking, and he said he needed a wee. I pleaded with him to go. As he did so he asked me that if he left the room could I pause the live TV and shot out of the door. I did not have the heart to tell him we could not pause live TV, as all our money is currently spent on repairing furniture and putting the doors back on their bedrooms that magically fall off, but that story is for another day.

We all went to sleep that night and the first thing I knew was my wife shouting in my ear, legging it out of the door and me jumping a few hundred feet in the air. I was not sure what was happening or if the house was on fire till my ears caught up and heard my son throwing up. As I got to my son he was emptying his tummy! He trundled off to the bathroom with my wife to clean up, whilst I changed his bed. I finished the bed and my wife was still holding a bowl to Captain Chaos mouth whilst telling me that I could go back to sleep now. I did try, but sleeping whilst someone is throwing up put me off my game some what, so it was a while before I managed to drop off

I woke up, showered and went to church with my little girl who was fine, but as we left church she asked what was for dinner then announced her tummy hurt but she could manage some toast. Now just to recap people we are not posh, and will never been seen in royal circles, however she sat down and blew me away. My little girl got a knife and fork and cut her toast up and ate it like royalty, I felt very lower class chomping away at my dinner, and did wonder if we had salmon and cucumber sandwiches with Earl Grey tea to finish, in bone china cups and saucers, of course. It was then I realised the best I could do was some chipped mugs and supermarket own tea, so I guess the Queen’s visit may have to await a while. As my little princess came to the end of her high class toast she enquired what was for pudding, however my wife announced if she was not well enough for dinner, then she was not well enough for pudding. This went down like stock market shares on a bad day, and she left for her room. Don’t feel too sorry for her though, as she had sweets at church and had the tablet to watch movies in her room. All she needed was a popcorn machine and we would not have seen her for days!